Sunriser’s Syndrome

Image result for sunriseI have not ever had to deal with it myself (knocks firmly on head), but I am aware that some people suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia become very confused, agitated, and possibly hostile around sunset. This condition is colloquially known as Sundowner’s Syndrome. This is obviously a very serious and sad condition far beyond the scope of my idle musings, so you can be assured that I’m not going there.

Instead, I’d like to discuss the possibility of a heretofore undiscovered malady with similar symptoms, but a wildly different cause. The working title for this illness is “Sunriser’s Syndrome” wherein the patient is confused, agitated for no apparent reason, and definitely hostile sometime around sunrise. The apparent cause of this illness appears to be closely linked to being a teenager.

I have been closely studying the Hobbit for years now and I can safely report that her condition has been worsening. Every single morning without fail, she’ll stumble into the living room some time after the ninth or tenth wake-up call, and begin shouting at whatever she manages to focus on. Image result for calvin and hobbes face

This morning it was the Barbaloot, who was doing her normal morning routine of pottering around being cute. Yesterday, she shouted at the ceiling fan for the better part of 4 minutes because it had the audacity to be a bit squeaky and WHAT IS WITH ALL THE LIGHT!?!

Fortunately this condition only lasts until roughly noon when the Hobbit recovers herself and resumes her normal Recalcitrant Surliness. An interesting note about this condition is that the patient in no way recalls her morning behavior as anything other than normal civil discourse. In fact, even when she is shown video evidence of her behavior, the Hobbit simply does not perceive any irrational or confused shenanigans.

I’m not a medical professional, so I’m not certain what course of treatment would be appropriate, but I’m open to suggestions. I’ve already tried exposure therapy (the wet smack of a cold cloth), desensitization therapy (yelling random phrases in an effort to snap her out of it), and mild electric shock therapy (I found a joke handshake buzzer and tagged her with it a few times), but so far nothing appears to work.

Does anyone else have teenagers suffering from Sunriser’s Syndrome? Have you discovered any treatments that seem to work? Clearly more work needs to be done to find a cure and in the meantime I’ll be setting up a support group for people who live with teenagers suffering from Sunriser’s Syndrome.