Teen Essentials

As a professional Future Generator of teenagers, I’m prepared to deal with all kinds of problems that most adults either a. don’t recognize as problems, or b. have buried deep into their subconscious as a survival mechanism.

For example, how many of you are capable of saying “Uranus” 10 times in as many minutes with a straight face and daring 30 teenagers to giggle even once? Or how many of you claim that you can remain calm when a slouching 14 year old tells you what they’ll do when they feel like it?

Yes, it’s true that Future Generators are a special breed. They rank 27th on the Most Ridiculous Jobs list and veterans have a certain swagger that only comes with knowing that no matter what nonsense teenagers spring on us today, we will meet it with verve.

Interestingly, Future Generators rarely ever pause to consider the situation from the teens’ point of view. Mostly this is because teenage points of view are rarely relevant or important, but also because we all were teens at one point and figure that we understand things pretty well already. IMG_20151002_121654224

This might be a mistake as I just this last Friday noticed the pictured box under a stairwell here in the Cavern of Colossal Corollaries. This immediately made me curious as to what “teen essentials” could be in the box? I can immediately think of quite a few teen essentials that wouldn’t necessarily fit into the box, like A Clue, Perspective, Rationality, or A Job. Thinking of an “essential” that could fit into the box is altogether more tricky. What could it be?

Perhaps the box contains condoms? Granted, that had nothing to do with my teen experience, but kids these days and all that. Or perhaps the box contains Angst? It seems like a rather small box for all the Teen Angst I see around here, but it might not have been the only box and it also might have contained seeds of Angst, which of course would grow rapidly once consumed. (BTW, if it isn’t already someone immediately make a band called Seeds of Angst, thank you.)

I didn’t open the box because I thought it would be much more fun to see what ideas my Dear Readers could come up with! Go for it!


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