The Day(s) The Earth Stood Still

The Professional Development Time Dilation

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Robert Frost couldn’t have been more wrong. I know now that the world will end neither in fire or ice. It will end in Professional Development. I have discovered that while time might dilate under the influence of gravity, it also does so under the influence of professional development. According to the other staff members here at the Bouncy House of Bloviating Blasphemers, I have spent the last two days listening to an expert tell me that paragraphs can be broken into sentences and that note-taking is beneficial to students.
From inside the PD time dilation, I experienced roughly 235 days of “top-down topic webs” (graphic organizers) and “2 column notes” (Cornell notes). These are apparently the latest and greatest inventions in education. For those Dear Readers who aren’t Future Generators, Cornell notes were invented in the 50’s and graphic organizers were invented at about the same time as the written word.
This particular Professional Development concerned the Keys to Literacy. Fun Fact: This is almost word-for-word the same presentation that I endured nearly a decade ago when I was introduced to Mrs. RW (It was called Reading Across the Curriculum back then). It is possible that my Fearless Leaders, in their 20 minute reviews of my class, decided that I had forgotten the Keys to Literacy and needed a refresher course. It is more probable, though, that someone simply told our Fearless Leaders that this was a good idea and then waved something shiny in front of them until their excited head bobs were taken for agreement.
To say that it was a waste of my time to attend this particular Professional Development is to understate it. All Professional Developments by their very nature are wastes of time, but this one was in a whole new category of its own. Those of you who excelled at school know that you really only have to pay attention in class every 12 minutes or so in order to get all the material. Believe me when I say that I paid attention for only 12 (subjective) minutes the entire 2 day presentation and I’m confident that I didn’t miss anything. I know this, because we received a workbook with all the covered material in it and looking through it, there’s nothing new there.IMG_20150820_174926296
It is my hypothesis that should a critical number of teachers ever get caught in PD time dilations, the effect will expand to cover the entire world, time will cease to exist, and we’ll all be stuck in Professional Development forever. Some people think that this has already happened.

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