The Nemesis of Mega-Clydes

Being a Mega-Clyde is generally excellent. While out riding, we can effortlessly mash up hills leaving normal-sized humans in our dust and bomb downhill at speeds only dreamt of by Wile E. Coyote. When we are off the bike, Mega-Clydes are equally amazing. Even large pizzas tremble at our approach and no man has yet created a jar that we cannot open.

There is one thing that all Mega-Clydes fear, however. Our archenemy is unrelenting and everywhere. Daily we must struggle against it and at best we can only hope to win a draw. I’m talking of course about Gravity. Mega-Clydes suffer more from Gravity that most folks and it gets particularly cruel as we get older.

You see Mega-Clydes cannot simply ride their bikes in order to stay in shape. Our bodies were built along different lines than the average cyclist. Wide across the shoulders and blessed with a surfeit of muscle mass, if a Mega-Clyde’s only source of exercise is cycling, then he will quickly lose the fight against Gravity and it will pull most of you down to your waistline and make your pants uncomfortable.

Fighting Gravity to a Draw

I suppose that different Mega-Clydes deal with this fact in different ways, but my preferred method is to mock gravity by taking on even more weight and wrestling it into submission. I was forced to stop weight training during the soccer season because there simply wasn’t enough time and Gravity quickly noticed and pulled all my mass back down to my waistline. Yesterday was my first trip back to the gym.

Two months without working out.

For those of you who have ever worked with weights, you know that the first week is a humbling and painful experience. Exercises and weights that only months ago you used to handle with ease are now impossible to budge and you are exhausted and crawling for the exits maybe halfway through your routine. To make it even worse, I’m older and more decrepit than I used to be and I’m positive that I’ll be limping and wincing well into the weekend.

Gravity is a cruel nemesis and Mega-Clydes everywhere have long cursed it with bitterness. I would keep writing, but my ibuprofen is wearing off and even my fingers are starting to ache! You’ve won this round, Gravity, but I will never give up! NEVER!

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2 thoughts on “The Nemesis of Mega-Clydes

    1. RockWalker

      I couldn’t agree more about the non-flex waist bands. I mean someone has the genius breakthrough and invents elastic, and then you simply refuse to incorporate it into pants?! Is it a deep-seated envy of Mega-Clydes that drives this behavior or have we as a society just stopped trying to create a more perfect world?

      Like

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