Very Perceptive.

The Universe sends me messages. I like to think that this is because I have some great as-yet-unrealized destiny, but really it’s most likely because the Universe gets bored doing important things like planetary gravity and needs to blow off some steam by messing with some hapless idiot.

Real life for this almost totally obscure internet blogger has been pretty stressful lately and I wasn’t (until just now) able to think about it in a humorous way in order to write about it here. Other blogs are serious or thoughtful accounts of the lives of extraordinary people, but this blog isn’t one of those.

The Universe has been amusing itself lately by making everything happen at once and making nearly all of it mess up in some way. Some of this has been serious and most of it less so, but all of it has been stressful. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that my hair is falling out. (Ha ha, look Mommy, the middle-aged bald dude made a lame joke!)

You know how these things seem to run together and you become convinced that the Universe is doing it on purpose? For most people, this is just paranoia and it’s perfectly normal. For me, however, it is the literal truth. The Universe managed to bring it all together yesterday when my Fearless Leader, after acknowledging all of the extra work I have been doing for the school, handed me a backhanded beat down by confirming my guess that she thinks I’m a poor Future Generator.

Finding out that your boss thinks you are bad at your job is always rough. I have to be honest and say that even though my Fearless Leaders wouldn’t make my Top 10 list either, it still stung. Why was all this happening to me? Why now? Does it really have to be during the last part of the school year? (Which is always the most stressful, anyway)

So today I headed outside with my class to conduct a biotic survey of the campus. The sun had finally come back out and it was warm enough to make an outdoor excursion tolerable. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that no more than 10 minutes into the activity I was shat upon by a passing robin; a direct hit to the head and shoulder.

In that moment it all became suddenly clear to me. The metaphorical clouds parted and the sunlight of understanding shone down. The Universe’s joke was revealed. (The Universe can have a very sophomoric sense of humor) There is no greater mystery or reason for all of this happening now and there is no larger lesson to be learned; it is simply the Universe once again amusing itself at my expense.

I really should have seen this coming days ago. After all, I have it on very good authority that I’m very perceptive.


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