Just shoot me.

Tomorrow is Election Day. Tomorrow, millions of Americans who barely passed high school will march, zombie-like, to their local polling station with 3 forms of ID including one recent picture, one baby picture, proof of insurance, and a blood sample in order to cast their vote for our next round of Fearless Leaders.

If you were expecting to see democracy in action, however, you’ll be sadly disappointed. Already overheard in line for early voting was this comment, “I don’t really know much about either candidate except what’s on the TV ads.” This is almost exactly like saying, “I don’t know much about how babies are born, but I watched a few episodes of “The Facts of Life.” It’s enough to make angels weep.

I figure that we only have about 3 more weeks of election coverage. Of course we have to actually have the vote (1 day), recount the vote because we didn’t like  the results (3 days), discuss what the outcome of this vote means for the losers (5 days), and explain to everyone how this election didn’t mean what everyone thinks it means and doesn’t really matter anyway (12 days).

In any event, the only real losers in this election will be the American people. How we lose and what we lose remains to be seen tomorrow night, of course, but those are really minor details in the grand scheme of things.

On a totally unrelated note, my 2016 presidential campaign will officially begin on this Wednesday. If you’d like a spot on the WTF America? campaign bus, please let me know as soon as possible. Our motto, “More American than America” is being screen-printed as we speak, so hurry and sign up!


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