It has been 2 full days since the AG Squared Event (the wedding), and I feel that I am finally recovered enough to give you the report that you’ve all been breathlessly awaiting.
Before I begin, I have to share with you some words of advice. If you are going to drive hours and hours with your entire family and Washington, DC is your destination; don’t. Or conversely, if you have to go anyway, it is a really good idea to either stop and nap for a few hours to regain some semblance of self-control or switch drivers right before entering the city. Driving into DC tired and frazzled from a long trip is not a good idea at all. I’m speaking as a person who has driven in some of the country’s worst traffic (downtown Pittsburgh after a Steeler game, Manhattan, PA Turnpike during construction) and I can confidently say that DC traffic is the worst of all. Park wherever you’d like, drive on whatever side of the road feels good to you, and feel free to honk and throw things at other people; it’s all good.
Anyway, we (barely) survived traffic and eventually found the hotel. It was far too nice a place for the likes of the RW Clan, but they were far too classy to say anything to us despite our cutoff shorts and bare feet.
As I got to chat up my extended family and they got to witness the wild bounciness of the Gnome and the New and Improved Recalcitrant Surliness of the Hobbit, I was gradually introduced to the new in-laws. Nearly all of them had names that I failed to pronounce correctly and almost immediately forgot, but they were all genuinely warm people and even though I was (in my role as Older Brother) prepared to judge them Not Good Enough for my little sister, they won me over to the point where I actually found myself engaging in small talk! Believe me, no one was more astonished than I!
As for the wedding celebration itself, I had several observations. First, I was amused that even though they tried to tone down the general spiciness of the Indian food, my family’s tastes are decidedly “American Midwest” and they had a hard time with it. For my part, I enjoyed it immensely and had quite a spirited discussion about recipes. I thought that nearly everything could have been improved upon with the judicious application of Heinz, but nearly every one of Almond’s family disagreed with me. No one’s perfect, I guess. My next observation is that I think that it should immediately become mandatory to have Indian Americans at every wedding reception. Not only were the dresses much more festive than anyone else’s, they are also completely dedicated to dancing. Even I was caught up in the moment long enough to take a turn or two around the floor! Interestingly, the only moment when Almond’s family took a break was when Mom convinced the DJ (she had to supply the CD, of course) to play a polka. I thought that polkas had universal appeal, but apparently I was misinformed.
Anyway, the newly married couple is off on their honeymoon to Paris. Apparently, they are big fans of the movie. I suppose that it’s back to the daily grind for me and our regularly scheduled snark for you. Our next installment will include references to Marmaduke, pumpkins, and antidepressants. Stay Tuned!