Autumnally Yours

I think that all fat kids* have a special place in their super-sized hearts for autumn. It is truly the best season of them all. Yes, you’ll see fat kids out during other times of the year and each season has its unique charms, but there is a brief window somewhere between September and November (depending on where you live) where fat kids and nature sync up in a special way.

In the fall it begins to get colder. It’s no longer so warm that fat kids begin to sweat unattractively as soon as they step outside and not yet cold enough that they have to put on jackets that make them look remarkably like a snowman. Instead, it is that just-right temperature where their natural insulation allows them to move around outside without a jacket and without suffering near-instant dehydration. In fact, as people around them don jackets of varying thicknesses, it is one of the few times fat kids look normally proportioned.

Of course the other great thing about autumn is that the brilliant leaves and tolerable temperatures means that everything becomes pumpkin flavored again! We’re talking coffee, cake, pie, whoopie pies, bread, did I mention pie? Thanksgiving is right around the corner and every delicious and fattening food ever created is on the menu! I know that regular people also enjoy the food of the season, but unless you are among the “gravitationally challenged” you can’t really grasp the sheer ecstasy we’re experiencing.

Yes autumn is truly the greatest season of the year. Fat kids everywhere are lumbering around with pumpkin-stained grins on their faces with each new report of an approaching cold front. It’s a shame that it is one of the shorter seasons, but you can be assured that each and every fat kid out there will enjoy every last minute of it.

* Editor’s Note: New readers should note that the Author has been a self-acknowledged “fat kid” since he realized that his mom was buying him “husky” jeans in the first grade. 

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