Stupid on Parade

You can tell that you’re getting old and decrepit when you not only mindlessly follow the same morning routine, but come to rely on it and get agitated when it gets messed up.

Such was the case this morning when I once more turned on the local news in order to discover if I would need my rain jacket for the commute into work this morning. Normally I mis-time it by a few minutes and have to endure some local anchor talking about this year’s disappointing squash harvest or something. This morning was different.

Today the Bobble Head was whining about some nasty emails that she had received from viewers who were unhappy about something. She went on to explain that she didn’t make the news, she just reported it. (I thought that this was cute; her pretending that the scientific discoveries of the 20th century just didn’t happen and we can still pretend that the observer doesn’t impact the observed.) At this point the weather guy chimed in and tried to one-up her, “Well, you’re reporting what has already happened and I’m trying to predict what will happen, so you can imagine the emails when I get something wrong!” (insert your impression of chirpy fake laughter here)

It was at this point that the Bobble Head made her mistake, “Also, think about this; would you want to do our jobs?” Yes, let’s think about this for a minute… would I like to wake up early, get halfway dressed (you and I both know those people don’t wear pants) read a teleprompter for a few hours a day, check my email, review tomorrow’s headline story of “Unattended Pitbull Attacks Duck” and then go home by noon? Yes, I really think that I would like to do your job. In fact, I feel reasonably confident that most everyone on earth who’s actually had to sweat at work would like to do your job.

There are certain people in this world who can drop that kind of challenge and get away with it; sewage engineers, tomato pickers, coal miners, science teachers. If it is your job to read aloud in front of a green screen however, you might want to think twice about popping off like that. Seriously, how stupid are you people?

It is of course perfectly possible that being a Bobble Head is way more difficult that I’m giving it credit for here. If that’s the case then I’m willing to put my money where my mouth is. I’ll switch jobs with the Bobble Head and we’ll see who cries “uncle” first and demands their old job back!


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