Rebellions are Uphill Affairs

I wonder where the other one is? Making a coffee run?

For the past few years I’ve been staging a quiet rebellion. I’ve been riding my bicycle to school and attempting to get folks to recycle and have even suggested that it’s ok to occasionally turn off your lights or computer when you leave the room. In short, I’ve been that obnoxious holier-than-thou environmentalist asshole whom everyone loves to hate.

I’ve come to accept that most everyone will only care about their environment when it doesn’t interfere with their lives or cost them anything, but I had imagined that my point of view had made SOME impact on the folks here at the Edifying Edifice of Education. I had naively begun to think that our Fearless Leaders at least had begun to consider green alternatives before continuing with the same old nonsense.

Try to imagine my depression then when I arrived at school this semester to be greeted by not one, but two shiny new golf carts proudly displayed in the hallway. At first I was simply bemused, because I couldn’t imagine what anyone would actually need with a golf cart and assumed that they were borrowed for some purpose and would be returned shortly.

It quickly became obvious though that these golf carts were in fact here to stay. Apparently, our Fearless Leaders NEED them to move around campus. None of our Fearless Leaders are visibly physically disabled, so one can assume that the overriding consideration here was comfort and speed.

In a school that is as cash-strapped as ours, I’m wondering how they justified the expense. Golf carts like these cost somewhere between 7 and 10K (yes, I looked it up) and like all mechanical devices require maintenance and repair. So we decided that more than desks, books, facility maintenance, or anything else what we really needed was a tool to help our Fearless Leaders look even more ridiculous by having them zoom around at 15 mph.

$20K covered bicycle parking facility

If you really needed to spend around $20,o00 to serve the needs of a ridiculously small portion of our community, then I would like to humbly suggest that you can buy an awful lot of secure bicycle parking for that amount of money. Fun Fact: The “if you build it, they will come” idea actually works for bicycle infrastructure. This would reduce vehicle traffic at our school and thus negate most of the need for the golf carts in the first place.

Clearly it makes way more sense to buy golf carts. That doesn’t make us look out of touch and inconsiderate to the needs of the school or its students at all!


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