Rising gas prices may cause pregnancy

There has been quite a lot of shrill commentary on the TV these last few days and it has centered around two major stories. The first story is that catholic presidential candidates really don’t like contraception and don’t want anyone else to like it either, and the second is that the price of gas is once again on the rise to unprecedented heights and this will inevitably spell doom for our way of life.

Of course everyone who’s been around for a bit recognizes that these two stories aren’t really “news” in the sense that they contain information we didn’t have before, but they are “news” in the sense that people are talking about it again.

Curiously, none of the talking heads on television have made the perfectly obvious connection between these two things (contraception and gas prices). Once again it falls to the almost totally obscure internet blogger to connect the dots for the betterment of mankind. Let me explain…

(My explanation is told from the point of view of a boy… my apologies to the ladies)

When you were a fresh-faced kid of 16, you were informed by your Dad that if you were going to drive the car, you had to buy your own gasoline. At the time it was only $1.33/gallon, so you figured that you’d pick up a part-time job for a few hours a week and you’d be set. You soon discovered that driving to and from work actually used gas and that it took hours of work just to pay for the gas to drive to work. In fact, you had to work for two weeks just to save up enough money to afford to take a girl out on a date. If you wanted to take her out to a place fancy enough to entice her into kissing you at the end of the date; three weeks.

It quickly became obvious that the price of gasoline was going up instead of down, and so you were forced to work ever harder just to pay for the gasoline to drive to work. Of course as you grow older, life becomes more expensive instead of less and so before you knew it you were renting an apartment and buying your own food. It also now took almost 4 weeks to save up enough money to take a girl out on a date fancy enough for her to kiss you at the end of it!

Eventually gas prices rose to the point that you had to start cutting corners in order to afford the gas you needed to get to work to buy gas. Interestingly, it is about this time that you met a girl who liked you enough to only insist that you work for 2 weeks before she would kiss you! Sadly, one of the corners you were forced to cut in order to have enough money for gas in order to drive to work to have enough money to buy gas was restocking your supply of contraceptives.

Nine months later it occurs to you that rising gas prices may cause pregnancy.



One thought on “Rising gas prices may cause pregnancy

  1. Gramdam

    KISSING LEADS TO PREGNANCY! Good thing I gave it up for Lent! To further support your theory, consider this-rising gas prices also forces you to stay home more often……need I say more?


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