The Indignity of Bicycle Commuting: Condensation

Since hardly any of my faithful readers are folks who don’t know me personally (yes, I’m that well known!), I’m sure that the vast majority of you are already aware that I have successfully purchased a home in town and have mostly successfully (there were only a few tears) moved the RW Clan closer to work and school.

The big upshot for me regarding this change in scenery is that I’m now close enough to the Hallowed Halls of High Comedy to bicycle both to and from work. Finally I get to start my work day cruising serenely along the neighborhood roads with the sun rising beautifully behind me; the only sounds are my labored wheezy gasping and the protesting squeak of my bicycle seat.

Bicycling to work in the morning is not without it’s dangers, however. The first and most serious obstacle are healthy people. Apparently these folks are so mentally unstable that they feel that the perfect time to flaunt their physical fitness is early in the morning. What’s truly strange about these folks is that they invariably jog right at me as I approach with my safety lights blinking furiously. (Editor’s Note: I’m not actually sure that I purchased the “furious” blinky light set, so someone let me know if they go on sale) Perhaps these folks are blinded and confused by the bright lights and ominous wheezing, but whatever the case I’m forced to swerve into oncoming traffic to avoid running them over and leaving tire marks on their matching jogging suits.

The most pernicious obstacle to bicycle commuting however, is condensation. You see, even though my average speed is something on the order of 7 mph, my labored wheezing produces huge clouds of condensation which of course gets blown back into my face. This has the unfortunate side effect of completely fogging my glasses for half a second. So effectively my entire ride is turned into a magic lantern experience. This makes dealing with the joggers, squirrels, cars, possessed baby carriages, and sewer alligators even more challenging than usual.

To add insult to injury, the condensation also gathers on my face so that when I finally arrive at school not only can I not see, it appears that I’ve been drooling all over myself. Not only is this a rather unprofessional look for me, but it also gives the students the impression that we have something in common and seems to invite them to grunt at me.

Commuting by bicycle is truly a harrowing experience and not for the faint of heart.


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