Sex Ed

If we awarded titles to our school years for the most interesting or iconic New Policy proposed by our Fearless Leaders, then last year would have been entitled “BYOP” (Bring your own paper) and this year is “The Year of the Sub.”

Understand that two significant changes were made in policy this year which contributed to The Year of the Sub. The first “improvement” our Fearless Leader made was to cease attempting to give our coaches 4th period planning so that they would invariably need a substitute for away games when they left early. The second “improvement” they made was to additionally announce that they would no longer be paying for substitutes and that teachers with 4th period planning would be required to plan on their own time and cover for the coaches.

I’m sure that many of you can figure out which planning period I have this semester without really trying all that hard.

Generally, when one of my Fearless Leaders “invites” me to cover for a coach, she sends out a mass email to all the teachers she’s requiring to work longer hours that day with their new planning period assignments. So naturally, I looked until I saw my name and noted the  room number and time. At the appointed time I showed up, noted that there was a guest speaker of some sort giving a presentation and promptly sat down in the back of the class to read a book.

It took me several minutes to recognize that this was a girl’s PE class and that they were discussing something like desirable personality traits in men. It took me several more minutes to realize that this must be part of what passes for “sex ed” in the Great State of NC. I’m not usually so slow-witted, but I was reading a book at the time and I didn’t actually care.

At some point after that (I don’t think it was very long) another teacher (who had just showed up) opined that I had gotten the days confused that I was supposed to cover tomorrow’s sex ed class. Any excuse to get out of covering for another class is a good one in my book and I left.

It wasn’t until I was halfway down the hall that I began to process some of the smirks and odd looks the presenters and other teacher were giving me: How embarrassed I must have been to be in a girl’s sex ed class! O the giggle-inducing horror!

Clearly there was a concern that I might overhear, see, or somehow compromise secret information given only to girls and spread it to the rest of the alien species known as “men” in our constant bid at world domination, or something. I have to say that I was surprised by this rather provincial attitude. Surely, even in the land of Southern Redneckia, we have progressed beyond giggling when it comes to sex ed?

Still, if it weren’t for the nonsensical prejudices and preconceptions of the previous generations, we wouldn’t be able to pass on outdated stereotypes to our children! I know, I know… if only I could stop thinking about sex for 7 seconds the world would be a better place! I’m such a chauvinist!

Whatever the case, apparently I’m supposed to cover for the boy’s sex ed class tomorrow. I’m sure that will be a riveting conversation at the highest level of intellectual rigor.

Edit: I sincerely apologize to everyone who read the first draft of the next to last paragraph. I may have suffered a seizure while writing it.

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