Let’s Play Dress-Up!

There is a very serious problem in our high schools today. The problem is that our students dress either like homeless vagrants or exotic dancers on the day shift. In other words, it’s not good.

As a child of punk and grunge, how people choose to dress is of no consequence to me. Students “back in the day” dressed crazily in order to issue a giant middle finger to the corporate drones that expected us to be just like them. I imagine that this is more or less a recurring theme for teenagers even if they’re musical preferences run more towards Katy Perry than Green Day.

Teaching in a public school already makes me feel like a sell-out, and the thought of enforcing a strict dress code makes me cringe. We recently changed the way we enforce the dress code here in the Valhalla of Vicissitude so that all the petty and vaguely insulting measuring of shorts and tank top straps have disappeared to be replaced with the actual judgement of the Future Generators. This is a brilliant idea. If I find someone’s clothing offensive, dangerous, or disruptive then I send them out, no questions asked. If not, then off they go to another class where the expectations might be slightly different, but those are the risks you take for “being edgy.”

Yesterday at our faculty meeting it was brought to my attention that some of our Future Generators are unhappy about this arrangement. Apparently it gives them too much credit for good judgement or something. If you know that you can’t be trusted to make a good decision regarding a teenager’s dress, should we really allow you to be a Future Generator? Or perhaps the complaint is that (for example) I’m not going to comment on a girl’s outfit for any reason short of an “equipment malfunction” simply because I can’t afford the sexual harassment suit.

Regardless, I find this whole thing quite ridiculous. It doesn’t actually matter what you say the dress code should be. Some teachers are always not going to care and some students are going to find new and interesting ways around it. I find it amazing that some of the Future Generators here still have any energy left to worry about this. I don’t know if they have noticed it yet or not, but we’re Milton Waddems from Office Space. They’ve long since snatched our beloved Swingline staplers and stopped paying us. Now I’m supposed to care about what the students are wearing? Really these people should feel pretty good that I haven’t set the place on fire.

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