Privileges of Obscurity

Being an almost completely obscure internet blogger does carry some privileges. I am completely free to work in my underwear, no one minds if I’ve shaved, and when you are laid off for 3 months, it is entirely permissible to sink into a peculiar kind of self-loathing depression that requires you to eat junk food, take your children to the pool, and develop a wicked tan.

In any event, school is starting back up and I’ve decided that since I’ll once again be gainfully employed I should shower and shave and re-enter the world. Apparently some rather interesting things have been happening while I’ve been gone and I feel compelled to address them.

Once again, strangely shaped men in bizarre attire have managed to ride their bicycles all over France. Apparently someone won and somebody else cared, but neither of those people were American so clearly it isn’t a big deal.

Also on the sports front, I have been informed that there will in fact be a football season this year. So those folks that were worried that you wouldn’t be able to funnel some of your unemployment checks to millionaire professional athletes and team owners can rest easy knowing that any day now they will care about you as much as you care about them and it’ll all be worth it.

As we turn to politics I realize that I have almost entirely missed the Middle School Summer of 2011. Apparently there has been a quite a bit more of “he said, he said” than usual and that both sides of the playground have threatened to take their ball and go home. Apparently politicians play their games with two balls; not that there is anything wrong with that, of course. In turning on the news this morning I was also surprised to see that the President has become a Republican in his latest desperate bid to get them to like him. When is he going to realize that the reason the BSC (bat shit crazy) Right doesn’t like him has nothing to do with his politics and everything to do with the unassailable fact that spelling his name backwards and saying it out loud while doing the shag will summon Beelzebub?

Speaking of politics, one of the things that readers can look forward to this year is my developing platform for my 2016 presidential campaign. Long time readers will recall that the most important part of any presidential campaign (the slogan) has already been chosen. The WTF America? Campaign won’t officially launch until 3 weeks before the 2012 elections are decided, but let’s be serious. Nothing important or interesting is going to happen regardless who wins, so why not get a jump on the competition? People with serious political agendas and experience are welcome to apply for positions in my campaign because we’ll need someone to make the beer runs.

Another thing that I’m looking forward to this year is actual comments from actual readers. Despite my erratic posting schedule and decidedly odd point of view, more people are actually reading my mindless drivel than ever before (we’re talking dozens of readers, folks!). If ever there was a place for mindless drivel, this is it, so don’t be scared! If the internet has taught us anything, it is that nearly anonymous rambling is the lifeblood that fuels the hearts of champions… are you a champion?


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