It’s a Sign!

This is actually my second attempt at writing today. This morning I had read yet another article about how the world’s leading thinkers (note: these people are a different group from our Fearless Leaders, of course) have once again and fairly clearly stated that perhaps continued reliance on fossil fuels isn’t the greatest long-term strategy ever and our Fearless Leaders looked at them as if they were particularly interesting forms of alien plant life.

Believe me when I say that this first attempt at an article was so full of invective and scorn for those fools dooming us continued sickness, environmental degradation, climate change, and concentrated power that had they read it, they would surely have immediately quit their elected posts in favor of wiser individuals and spent the rest of their sorry existences begging people for forgiveness.

Yeah, it was that good.

Before I could send it, however, I took a break from writing to attempt to paint a sign and it completely sidetracked my entire day. There is a meeting tonight at the county seat where people will gather to hear our county Fearless Leaders explain to the community why they can’t spend our 25 million dollar stockpile on keeping our schools running, but this sign isn’t about that. There is also a Tea Party rally taking place later in the week and a few folks are going out to point at laugh at them, but this sign isn’t about that, either.

No, my sign is about parking. You see, it is a kind of contest here at the Atlantic’s shallow end to bring more cars than you actually have attendees and park them all at the high school for graduation. Obviously our parking lot can’t actually fit that many cars in it, but that doesn’t mean that people won’t try. So naturally, several teachers who would otherwise be watching the students they fought with and swore at (underneath their breath of course… we’re professionals) finally graduate, are assigned to stand in the parking lot and wave people into available spots. In order to facilitate this process, there are numerous signs posted all over the place directing people to the correct parking lot entrances. These signs are always totally ignored, but it affords the teachers the ability to shout and be indignant when they are almost run over. “Didn’t you see the sign?!”

Anyway, the signs that we’ve been using are finally collapsing from old age and as the Parking Czar (this post was gifted me upon the previous Czar’s retirement), it falls to me to create new ones.

The problem is that I’m not a very gifted person (not counting the previous appointment, of course). As readers of my blog already know, my only real skill (if you can call it that) is determination. A less polite (but perhaps more honest) person would say that I’m as stubborn as a mule. Basically, the only reason I ever accomplish anything in life is due entirely to the fact that I am too stupid to quit. Friends and family can all attest that watching me complete a project is a frustrating and worrisome experience.

I knew already that any attempt to draw or paint the signs myself would end in disaster as I have trouble drawing stick figures. So I decided that I would print out the words and pictures that I wanted, cut them out and use the pattern as a stencil.  I’m sure that it will shock no one to hear that this did not work out very well. Apparently when you get paper wet with paint is becomes very fragile and bends and tears. This means that my first sign has a few giant blue blobs on it instead of letters.

I’m sure that you’re reading this in dismay at how thick-witted I am and have already devised several more workable solutions to this problem. I’ll thank you to keep your comments to yourself. Tomorrow’s plan is exactly like today’s except that I’m going to use a thicker material; it’s bound to work perfectly!

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One thought on “It’s a Sign!

  1. stumpsmcgee

    Sometimes watching you complete a project, and especially hearing about your latest parking sign project, is like watching a marathon of “Pinkie and the Brain”. Or maybe the “Roadrunner”? No, “Pinkie and the Brain” is a better fit…

    Like

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