Drug Tested, Mother Approved

You may have woken up this morning wondering how I’m doing. The end of the school year is approaching and things here in the Scholastic Aptitude Mess are rapidly coming to a head; and (as I’m sure you’re aware) some teachers handle this stress better than others. I can’t speak for the rest of the staff, but I can tell you that despite the last few hurdles of testing, re-testing, re-re-testing, graduation ceremonies (both of this year’s graduates will be able to attend!), and the usual “have someone sign your checkout list before you leave for the summer” nonsense, I am perfectly ready for this school year to be over.

My parents called last night to ask if they could come visit over the weekend. This is awesome because I love my parents and watching them pretend that my daughters’ misbehavior is adorable is priceless. The only hitch to having my parents visit (aside from having to clean up the house) is that my Mom has an unlimited supply of energy that she has to use or her head will explode. I don’t know where she gets it from, but the woman simply cannot sit still for more than 5 minutes. There are several theories about this, but the most popular one is that my Mom was bitten by a radioactive guppy in her youth and like some fish, if she stops moving she’ll die. Normally I’d be a little stressed out at having my parents visit (I think everyone goes through this), but I’m so focused on the end of the school year I’d even be amenable to having someone else’s parents visit, too! Bring ’em all on!

How ready am I? Just this morning I discovered that my name was selected almost randomly for drug testing. I tried to assure them that my eyes always appear glazed over because I find most of my coworkers to be insufferable bores, but they insisted and so off I went. Leaving aside the indignity of being forced to take the test in the first place; is it really necessary to make me wait 15 minutes before inviting me into the back? There was literally no one else in the office, but apparently getting a plastic cup out of a cupboard is a herculean effort for these ladies and it required careful planning and coordination. Despite the ridiculousness of the whole rigmarole, I submitted to it with relatively good grace and didn’t once scream, “Fascist Nazis!” That’s how ready I am for the end of the school year!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s