Tomorrow is Turducken Day! That special time of year when we let out our inner fat kid, put on our elastic-waisted pants, and attempt to devour a turkey stuffed with a duck that has in turn been stuffed by a chicken. People from all walks of life have their own special way of celebrating Turducken Day, but they can all basically agree that if you are capable of levering yourself off of the couch after the Turducken Day Feast then you’re doing it wrong.
Many of us will be traveling hundreds of miles to hang out with people we’ve forgotten annoy us in order to score free food and allow our children to destroy someone else’s stuff for a weekend. I envy these people because they’ll be acting the role of “guest” and as we all know etiquette demands that the host allow the guests to get away with ridiculous behavior. Of course this is all slightly complicated if your host is a member of your family, but I think you’ll find that with a little ingenuity, you can pull off some pretty ridiculous stuff. Sit in a favorite chair, eat the last of the stuffing, or even feel free to comment on how much they must be looking forward to getting rid of that hideous wallpaper in the bathroom… it’s all golden.
Of course some of us have drawn (again) the short straw and will hosting our own Turducken Day Feasts. Being the host of your own Feast is not without it’s advantages, however. If you have a reasonably good poker face (if you don’t, then I highly recommend a few quick Irish Pirates to relax!) then feel free to make your favorite dishes and when Aunt Margo reminds you that she can’t eat any because she’s carb intolerant, you can laugh yourself all the way to seconds. It is also a lot of fun to remind everyone at your Feast exactly how long you’ve been cooking everything. The greatest part of this is the fact that the longest part of cooking the Turducken Day Feast is the Turducken itself, which involves hours of watching football while it cooks in the oven. These little reminders make everyone you’ve invited feel like a jerk and they are much more inclined to be nice to you as a result.
Whichever side of the Turducken Day Feast you land on, I hope that everyone has a wonderful day of thinly veiled disapproval, passive-aggressive criticisms, and meaningless rehashings of 30 year old events! I know I will!