Fear Itself

As much as I, as an outsider to the wondrous world of public education, enjoy your rants and misadventures of teaching the youth of this country, I feel like we could use a break.  So I’m taking a little time today to do something RW has been begging me to do for quite some time- share my thoughts on his “blog” on this “internet.” I have long argued that the inner workings of my mind are far too terrifying to share with the public, but since RW has shared his recent, humiliating failures, I figured he could use a pick-me-up.

Today, I’d like to talk to you about fear. We all have fears. And for most people, they are grounded in a reality that reflects actual events or possible catastrophe- for example, hurricanes, terrorists, coronary artery disease, vending machines. You know, things that could actually kill you. I, however, seem to only have a fear of something if there is absolutely no possible way it could ever harm me. For example, my obsession with small pox. Sure, it’s been “eradicated” in developed countries and there aren’t even any vaccines available anymore (trust me, I’ve checked), but how can you be sure it’s really gone? Another fear that induces panic attacks and entire weeks in the summer hidden under my blankets are of killer bees. You remember the horror stories a few years ago of killer bees coming into our country to feast on our flesh. There’s no defense, no chance of survival, and they look just like non-killer bees. So what happened to them? How many people have they killed? Where are they now? And, more importantly, are they coming for me? My Irrational Fear list goes on and on: bull sharks, the Ganges River, penicillin, electro-shock therapy, tripod hats… I’ve spent countless hours trying to figure out just how these paralyzing fears were created. And today, I’m excited to say that I have figured it out. It’s the liberal media and their “isn’t that interesting” stories that most people find comical, even fascinating.


Move over smallpox, a new fear is born…


One thought on “Fear Itself

  1. RockWalker

    Nice inaugural post, IrishPirate! You’ll be happy to know that your post has generated the most traffic to this site in quite a while. Clearly the public has spoken!

    Though, given the nature of SASS members, you’ll likely be receiving loads of rubber snakes in the mail.. brace yourself!


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