Weaving a Basketcase

Just in case either of my readers is curious, it IS possible to turn a fairly relaxed individual with a finely tuned sense of the ironic into a complete basket case. You might be tempted to think that this would involve a fairly long and carefully timed and executed series of machinations, but you’d be wrong. All it actually takes is an unhelpful website.

According to my inside sources (coworkers who are still talking to me) sometime around the end of the month I should be receiving notification from the fine anonymous folks at the National Boards for Teachers Institute informing me that despite my obvious talent and dedication to the profession of teaching, they will be unable to approve my application for National Board Certification and will totally understand if I need to cry for little while in the corner.

If ever there was an organization whose motto could be “Following Pointless Rules To The Letter Since 578 AD,” it could be the fine anonymous folks at the NBTI (Since no one knows who they are, I’m making it a point to be very polite just in case they are monitoring this blog). Given that, I really can’t be surprised that when I decided on a whim to check the progress of my application, the last box remained unchecked and it said, “Scores not yet posted.”

The thing is, I’ve become completely paranoid (entirely too late to actually do anything about it, of course ) about passing the National Boards. Normally when I’ve taken tests in the past I’ve had a reasonably good feel for how well I did and so the scores I would get back were no big surprise. The directions and grading criteria given to me by the fine anonymous folks at the NBTI, however, are so vaguely worded that not even my mystical 18th century Rhode Island Red-shaped weathervane could make sense of them.

As a result I’ve been checking the website every day in the vain and completely ridiculous hope that today is the day that I’ll discover that I’ve been rejected and every day the last check remains unchecked and the page mocks me with “scores not yet posted.” My nerves are shot and I’ve developed a muscle spasm just above my left elbow. Each day it feels more and more like the fine anonymous folks at the NBTI are mocking me just to see if I’ll crack.

This must be what the naughty kids feel like at Christmas. They know that they’re getting coal in their stocking, but for weeks that empty stocking just hangs on the mantle, mocking them. Just put the lump of coal in there, already! What are you waiting for?!

Well it’s been 15 minutes, maybe they’ve updated the webpage… I’ll be right back.


4 thoughts on “Weaving a Basketcase

  1. stumpsmcgee

    RW, I feel the same way every time I check my bank balance online. I know I don’t have money…I work in a public school after all, and yet, my bank keeps insisting on showing my balance in the black. How is this possible?? Why, if I actually had money, I’d be able to eat something other than a cup of salad for lunch! Yet, here I am, eating that salad, knowing that I will eat it again tomorrow because it only cost $2 for me to eat it for a week. I hate salad…and I hate my bank. It’s a conspiracy.


    1. RockWalker

      O Contraire, IrishPirate! See, out in the real world it is indeed possible for people to afford an entire bowl of salad, but public educators are only allowed a cup. Two pieces of lettuce, half a dozen carrot shavings, one cherry tomato, one crouton, and 1/8 tsp of salad dressing.

      The idea is that if public educators were allowed more food at lunch then they wouldn’t be able to stay “hungry” to educate our children!


  2. betsy

    I am sorry to say that your stress made me laugh out loud.
    Surely you will NOT get rejected, but if it happens it will only verify what I already think about National Boards. The way I see it, the only positive thing the program still has going for it is that teachers like you are even considering it.


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