Shiny Happy People


Did you know that there are people who actually go about their daily grind in a good mood?! I swear to you that it’s true because I met one of them this morning. It’s even entirely possible that you have encountered one of these people yourself, but because you were so wrapped up in your usual cynical nihilism their existence didn’t really register.   

This morning as I was conducting myself to my classroom and reciting in my head all the horrors I would surely have to endure today, someone stepped right in front of me and in a tone usually reserved for sparrows in children’s cartoons said, “Good Morning, Sunshine!” Of course I quickly scanned this person’s face for the telltale signs of mockery, but I was shocked to discover only the peculiar stretch marks known to some people as “smile lines” and could only helplessly conclude that this was a genuinely cheerful person.   

I was so nonplussed that I didn’t even attempt to run Ms. Cheerful over! Can you even imagine being forced to go through an entire day in a good mood?! What karmic debt was she being forced to work off to have engendered such a terrible fate? I won’t even attempt to speculate for fear that I might incur a similar debt and be forced into seven years of hard cheerfulness.   

I suppose that it is entirely possible that some people are just of a naturally cheery position and that no greater cosmic justice is being enacted, but if possible that makes it all that much sadder. Being cheerful and positive is just so pointless and exhausting. (I know because I tried it once myself in 1998) You’re constantly trying to look on the bright side of things and to always give curmudgeons the benefit of the doubt; I think that I’d rather take a Jazzercise class with a speed freak.   

Perhaps it’s as the Justice of the Peace in Winchester, WV said the other day, “It’s all relative,” and one person’s Worst Day Ever is someone else’s Double Rainbow. In fact, here at the Palace of Parades we’ve been wishing each other (in tones dripping with derision and sarcasm) Happy Double Rainbow Days for a few weeks now without really trying very hard to say exactly what would qualify as a Double Rainbow Day. If we can assume that we’ll reserve the mystical Triple Rainbow for those days of sublime joy (marriages, births, bar mitzvahs, mosque dedications, and divorces) and the Zero Rainbow for those days of absolute misery (wedding receptions, toilet training, brit milahs, mosque dedications, and divorces) then the Double Rainbow has to be somewhere in the middle of those.   

I wonder if SASS would care to weigh in on this most important issue? Can we decide what would constitute a Double Rainbow Day?


One thought on “Shiny Happy People

  1. irishpirate81

    What a Double Rainbow means to me:

    1. Winning the lottery. And not the scratch off or power ball variety- but the lottery everyone tries to win in DC.. getting hit by a metrobus while crossing the street. It’s easier to win than the state lottery (about 12 lucky pedestrians are struck every year!) and the pay out is better and with lower taxes…


    2. The Pittsburgh Steelers finally beating the New England Patriots in the final seconds of the fourth quarter. Tom Brady is sacked by Palamalu, fumbles, and Harrison runs it in for a touchdown. This alone would only be a single rainbow moment. To take it to Double Rainbow status, Brady would then have a full on temper tantrum on the field; stomping his feet, crying a little, and whining to the ref about “enforcing the Tom Brady rule” In response, the ref throws the yellow flag and signals that Brady is being suspended for “being a giant girl”…


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