It’s been nearly two agonizing months since my last post here at SASS, and for that I need to apologize to you, my dear reader. I feel that some kind of explanation is in order, not in any kind of attempt to exculpate myself, but rather by way of atonement for my sin.
Every last bit of my free time, mental energy, and willpower for the last two months has been solely dedicated to completing my National Boards Portfolio. For those of you who are perhaps unaware of any such thing or could care less, the National Boards Certification (hereafter referred to as “The Effing Bitch,” or TEB) is supposedly the gold standard by which teachers can be judged. TEB is a collection of student work, videos, and assorted evidence that I actually exist and on occasion teach a class or two. TEB is primarly a tool designed to find out which teachers can follow an arcane and archaic set of guidelines written poorly in a language next to english and which ones can’t.
Some of my more regular readers might be asking why RW would choose to participate in such a ridiculous exercise in pedantry, and the answer is simple; Mrs. RW told me to because she likes to buy nice things and if I can get TEB certified, then I’ll bring in a little extra money. What Mrs. RW failed to tell me before I signed on to this project was that while the great state of NC will pay for your entry fee to apply for TEB (a paltry $2,400), if any part of your portfolio isn’t done precisely according to the aforementioned archaic set of guidelines written poorly in a language next to english, then you have to pay back the great state of NC every penny. I don’t care much about money (teachers who do tend to quit, go crazy, or work at strip clubs), but I DO care about being on the hook for money I don’t have.
So for the last several months I’ve been unnaturally obsessed with page numbers, margins, fonts, bar codes, and paper clip priorites so that my Portfolio can be scored and I’m not deprived of my allowance for the next decade. I’m quite convinced that even if my Portfolio is “scoreable” the score will not be memorable and I’ll not be TEB approved, but at least Mrs. RW won’t have to send me back to the strip club… the hours are horrible.