While I sat through a rather long discussion of how depressing it can be to toil day after day as a thankless public servant who must simultaneously manage the Fearless Leaders arbitrarily put in charge of your career, the hateful people you serve who would as soon see you bleeding in a gutter somewhere, and your own sad and inadequate attempts at a personal life, I was starting to feel a bit down.

So down in fact, that I began to be amazed at those individuals who have made a lifetime career out of teaching and have still managed to retain some semblance of sanity and humor. I seriously doubt that I have either the grace or patience to even attempt such a test of stamina.

Some people are no doubt asking me, “What are you going to do after you’re done teaching, RW? You don’t have any talents.” If we’re being perfectly honest, that’s a fairly accurate assessment and leaves me with only two possibilities.

The first is politics, who’s only requirement (as far as I can tell) is that you must not ever express a personal point of view that you are not willing to totally refute later. Given my well established penchant for making wild accusations and then pretending that I was joking all along, this might actually be a pretty decent fit for me. Though to be fair, I was never very popular in high school, so maybe the getting elected part would be an insurmountable obstacle.

The second is a small neighborhood bicycle shop. Bicycles are fairly simple machines and with the aid of “Bicycle Repair for Dummies” I feel like I could probably assemble and adjust the seats on most models. Since most everything I learned about how to interact with other people comes from watching SNL, I’ve decided to name the store Sprockets.

I imagine that Sprockets will be a smallish shop dedicated to selling bicycles. How can I fail with such a well thought out plan, right?! It will have a small stuffed monkey in a cage above the cash register for the sole purpose of hoping someone will ask about it so that I can say, “Touch my monkey! Touch it!” Customers will naturally find this hilarious and come back as often as they can, bringing their loved ones, lawyers, and possibly their closest friends (who happen to be police officers) and business will boom! Obviously, at closing time every day…


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