Prepare yourselves! The End is Nigh! (“Nigh” is an old word that loosely translates into “approximately half an inch of snow”) The Wise Men, Seers, and Clairvoyant Starfish are all saying the same thing; that a winter storm of epic proportions is coming our way and our doom is sealed!
Really, our weather forecasters should know better by now than to mention the “S” word around here. All that ever comes of it is looting and rioting. Since the local weather report this morning, there has already been a run in the local stores on milk and bread. No one has ever been able to adequately explain to me how these two items will enable anyone to survive foul weather, but it apparently works because as far as I know, not one person has ever died because of a snowstorm in eastern NC. Please keep in mind that I am using the word “snowstorm” the way the locals use it; which is to indicate any time anyone thinks they spotted a snowflake.
I suppose that the whole “you soft southerners don’t know from cold weather” has been covered elsewhere, so I’ll relent. Snowfall is a rather rare occurrence here, and perhaps the fever pitch of excitement the locals feel about it is only understandable. For example I remember when I moved down here a decade ago. I simply couldn’t get over how bright the sky was! There was this huge blinding thing in it that I couldn’t look at for very long and it seemed to light up the whole place… it was amazingly scary. I only later found out that this was called the “sun” and it shined on this region all the time. Needless to say I felt very foolish. It took me a long time to get rid of all the milk and bread.