Too Hot To Handle

In my official capacity as Cynical Environmental Science Teacher, I have of course been following with interest the Tiger Woods Scandal Copenhagen Summit. No one who reads my ramblings here wants to hear my two cents about Anthropogenic Global Warming and our (timid as a virgin on prom night) attempts to deal with it, but it has gotten me thinking about warming trends.

One of the warming trends I’ve noticed lately is our classroom heating system. For the past several weeks, the fairer teachers on my hall have been complaining that it has been unconscionably cold in their classrooms. Yesterday the Official School Fix-it Guy showed up and after several hours of experimentally turning knobs (we have oil radiators) he proudly proclaimed “Mission Accomplished.” This morning I breezed into my classroom appropriately dressed for the outdoors (khakis and a long sleeved shirt… it’s 70 degrees here) and my face promptly melted off. The indoor temperature (according to my lab thermometers) is roughly 85 degrees. Apparently our heating system only has two thermostatic settings; Off and (OMG I THINK I’M BLIND) On. This Ultra Efficient Heating system allows us to keep our windows open all year, so that the students can enjoy the pleasant sounds of nature (car crashes and drug deals) while they absorb the wisdom of the ages (“check out this sext Jon just sent me!”)

Another warming trend that I’ve noticed here at work is that the students of both sexes are apparently committed to dealing with AGW in their own way. They have passed the stages of Denial, Guilt, Anger, Bargaining, and Depression, and have begun to Accept the idea of a warmer world by dressing as if it was already 90 degrees outside every day of the year. I know that it doesn’t get as cold here as some places, but our winters do get a bit cooler and it’s not unreasonable to wear pants, shoes, and maybe a light jacket from time to time. Instead our students’ attitude seems to be, “Embrace AGW!” and are continuing to wear their sandals, cut off jeans, and tube tops to school. (the girls are wearing summer clothes, too!) I suppose we can only admire their willingness to embrace change while the older and more curmudgeonly among us attempt to halt it. Kids these days!

Warming trends are everywhere these days and it may be difficult to identify the good ones from the bad (Snuggies). Whatever warming trends are going on with you all, I hope that things don’t get too hot to handle.


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