Standard Issue

standard issueJust yesterday there was a news blurb about a local school adopting a fairly casual dress code that consisted of a collared shirt and khakis. I know, can you imagine how horrible it would be to have to wear the same clothes for 8-10 hours every day? What would that do to your fiercely independent spirit? Just imagine what kind of a world it would be if everyone wore similar clothing and was treated in the same fashion. I really think that would signal the beginning of the end. The entirety of the Great American Experiment would instantly collapse into dust.

Never mind of course that it was the students’ collective inability to consistently cover their bodies that prompted an exasperated school board to implement this policy; no, it’s a direct result of our draconian desire to squash all that is fun out of being a teen. Seriously, if you can’t get that wearing a tube top (sans bra) in an air conditioned building  over cut off shorts that artfully display your designer thong is integral to a teen’s self expression, then you really don’t belong in a classroom!

While I’m on the topic of Standards, I thought that I’d mention that I received my yearly perfomance appraisal in my mailbox this morning and it declared, in 200 words or less, that I was “at standard in all categories.” Clearly this little bit of polite fiction won’t stand for very long since it should be immediately obvious that I am definitely not “at standard.” They needed to adjust that 5 point scale quite a bit to even find a place on it for my performance this past year. In fact, the Fearless Leader that observed me didn’t even stay for 10 minutes, so overwhelming was witnessing me in action. (I didn’t get a good look, but honestly I think that there were tears!)

slippery slopeIn any event, I think that Standards have got to go. Doesn’t anyone see what’s happening? Doesn’t anyone remember their Orwell? First they make pigs wear clothes and then they treat them all as farmers! It’s as clear as can be that we are headed down the Slippery Slope of Sameness! If we don’t act now, then who knows where we’ll end up?


One thought on “Standard Issue

  1. stumpsmcgee

    Not to shatter your fragile ego or anything, but there could be a really good reason why Fearless Leader only observed you for 10 minutes, and had tears in his eyes when he left. For instance, after watching you in action, he couldn’t believe he was actually forced to hire you. Maybe he was hoping you’d leave after the first year, but you didn’t. Now there is no one else willing to take your job, and he’s stuck with you. That alone would make any Fearless Leader cry!!


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