Serious Times Seeks Serious People

personal-adsIn these tough economic times, people are looking everywhere for solutions to the problems in which they find themselves. In order to find these elusive solutions, many are turning to those party-killing, I-hope-he’s-not-looking-at-me, can-you-believe-she-wore-that-in-public, serious people that we all have had great fun shunning for the last two decades.

These geeks (They don’t call themselves geeks of course. They use fancy sounding titles like “analyst,” “financial advisor,” and “religious zealot”) have been having quite a good laugh over this whole global turn of events, let me tell you. Even I have been quite unable to escape their smugness, “What? You thought that you could afford both bread and water?! At the same time?! You FOOL!”

Unbearably smug though they may be, our serious people might be our only hope because I think that it’s been made abundantly clear that when left to our own devices, we are about as responsible with our economy as a 6 year old with an electric reciprocating saw and a 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew.

So how exactly are these serious people working to solve our problems? A reader forwarded me a story about a civil protest of the IMF and World Bank. These people are seriously upset about the global mismanagement of funds and have had quite enough of sacrificing long term economic viability for short term gains.

Obviously this is a very complicated platform and to be perfectly honest I’m not very well read on the subject of international finance reform, but even a quick look at the agenda should convince everyone that these people know what they’re about and that serious solutions are at hand.

Saturday April 25th

AM: Direct Actions – disrupt the start of the IMF/World Bank meetings with blockades and unpermitted marches

8AM: Anti-Capitalist March. Meet at Law Enforcement Memorial at Judiciary Square Metro (red line)

1pm-9pm: People’s Economic Forum – Join us for an all day forum to learn and discuss the causes of the financial crisis, the role of the IMF and World Bank, and alternatives to the current system. St Stephens Church, 1525 Newton St NW (corner of 16th & Newton)

3-5PM: Nap Time and Vegan Cookies at West End Library 24th and L St NW hosted by SDAC

10PM: Baseball and Soccer Game in the Streets. Meet at Washington Circle. Organized by SDAC

Now even if like myself, you are personally unfamiliar with the current strategies of civil disobedience you must admit that these serious people have very carefully analyzed the problem and the steps we must all take to fix them. After all, not only have they discovered solutions to our problems, but they’ve also had some extra time to discover the manufacture of vegan cookies, (hopefully this recipe doesn’t taste like the last one… I didn’t really want to know what chocolate covered cardboard tastes like) but also how to combine the sports of baseball and soccer into some new supersport that you can play on city streets in the middle of the night!

These are serious times and we need serious people to work out the solutions. To be honest, it’s all a little too much for me, but thankfully it’s almost 3pm, so I’m going to grab my vegan cookie and take a nap. By the time I wake up, it’ll all be sorted out.


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