Why did you lie to me, Neil?

I am once again attempting to get caught up on my mountains of paperwork (even with the school’s shortage of paper, the piles on my desk never quite disappear… curious, isn’t it?) while listening to the greatest singer/songwriter of this (or any) generation and I was staggered to realize something new; Neil Diamond is a damn liar who would say anything to sell a record.




Monday, Monday
So good to me
Monday morning,
It was all I hoped it would be





This is a slap in the face. I simply don’t understand how Neil could have gotten away with this blatant lie. Was he bought out by the AFL-CIO in an attempt to get people to show up for work? Is Neil nothing more than a shill for Corporate America?

Are there no heroes left? When MC Hammer went broke a little piece inside of me died, but I was able to recover. When I discovered that Manilli and Vanilli were worse singers than the hacks that sang their songs, I was so depressed that I couldn’t get out of bed for a week. When Limp Bizkit formed a complete thought without dropping the F bomb, I tried to end it by chugging a whole bottle of Flintstones Chewables.

The only thing that has kept me going this whole time was the thought that there was one man out there still keeping it real. In his sequined jackets and leatherette pants, Neil Diamond was still the Voice of the People and he somehow made everything bearable.

Now that he’s been unmasked as just another aging sellout, I don’t know where I’ll find the strength to go on. Perhaps this is the eventual end of all bards; that it is discovered that they are not prophets or sages, but mere entertainers and fools. Or maybe not; we still have LLCoolJ!


One thought on “Why did you lie to me, Neil?

  1. irishpirate81

    This is, indeed, a blow. Neil Diamond is a poet and his beautiful poems sang with an acoustic guitar have gotten me through a lot of tough times. It seemed, to me, that Neil Diamond’s music was much like a Magic 8 Ball; ask any question and he had the answer.

    Q: What should I have for breakfast today?
    A: “Crunchy Granola, sweet.”

    Q: Am I an alcoholic?
    A: “Red, red wine, stay close to me.”

    Q: Should I be freaking out about Swine Flu?
    A: “They’re coming to America!”

    I think you get my point.

    RW, if it’s any consolation, Neil didn’t actually write the song, Monday Monday. (A guy named John Phillips did, and it’s well known that Phillips was that super happy jack@#$ in the office who would walk around saying things like “Monday mornings are great because the week is FULL of possibilities!”) And maybe, just like his sequined shirts, Neil sang the song to be ironic?


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