Super Lame.

no_photoAt the request of several SASS members, I’m going to tell you all a story. It’s not really a dramatic story with a stunningly shocking conclusion or anything, but it’s the kind of story that might teach you a life lesson.

Yesterday afternoon I dashed back into my classroom as my latest PLC meeting was winding down to grab something to show someone (my story telling ability is awe-inspiring, isn’t it?) when I noticed that something had gotten smudged on the floor with pencil.

Being a man and a high school teacher of freshmen I had only to glance at this smudge to identify it as a crude but anatomically correct rendering of “male genitalia”. Please understand that I was not carefully peering under desks looking for graffiti, this drawing was approximately 1.5 feet in length and of such proportions that if a man actually was so well endowed women would run (or back away slowly) out of the room. It occurred to me that this picture must have been drawn with a foot because I would surely have noticed a student drawing in the more usual way on the floor.

Now because this was the end of the day, I had to do a bit of detective work to figure out which students could have possibly been behind this “floor art.” Was it the female exchange honors student from first period, the fourth period AP student too painfully shy to speak aloud in class, or one of three talkative male freshman?

I know… Columbo never had a case so difficult! Right now I’m awaiting my “Civilian Detective” award, which should be delivered later this week. When I confronted the three young men in question, I was shocked to realize that none of them had any idea that someone had drawn a giant penis on the floor right beside their chairs!  After a grand total of 15 seconds of intense interrogation (where I remained silent and glared at them) one of the young men confessed to drawing on the floor, but maintained that he wasn’t drawing anything in particular, but he was just making random marks.

Pretending for a second that this young man wasn’t simply hoping that mere moments before I had smacked my head on my desk and was now a total moron, randomly drawing on the floor and producing such a distinct picture seems to suggest at least one deep-seated psychological issue, but I’ll leave that for more professional contemplation.

In an attempt to cover all my bases I even wasted 5 seconds of my life to photograph the picture for posterity, so perhaps if this young man goes on to become a famous foot painter, it might be worth some money.

Oh, and the moral of the story and take-home life lesson? “Foot Artists should first learn how to sign their names before taking their work public.” It’s a maxim that is pretty inapplicable to pretty much everyone, but that’s the kind of moral I like my stories to have.

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2 thoughts on “Super Lame.

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