There’s a Hole in My Bailout.

bucket-holeI heard today on the news that the “Homebuilders Industry” was next in line to receive a federal bailout. Apparently since they were totally blameless in precipitating the housing boom and subsequent crash, they are innocent victims of the current recession and need cash to keep building houses no one wants or can even afford.

At first I thought that this was some elaborate satirical joke to illustrate how ridiculous our “leaders” are being with this Bailout Strategy. “Homebuilders Industry” sounds like something a couple of potbellied contractors thought up while picking up paint at the local Home Depot one afternoon. Are we really expected to believe that contractors participate in some sort of hierarchy or organization that controls them and dictates their floorplans, productivity, and pricepoints? Is there a Homebuilding Don we don’t know about? Is it Bob Vila?

I am just wondering what kind of special mushroom these people are ingesting? Are you really expecting the federal government to bail you out because you’re not able to turn a buck as quickly or easily as you used to? Is this the next incarnation of american welfare? This can’t possibly make sense to anyone. How does artificially propping up an industry that people aren’t participating in help the economy? Does having lots of empty new houses no one can get financing for improve the GNP or the value of the dollar?

I’m very disappointed in Bob Vila. The man in charge of the Homebuilders Industry really should have seen this coming and been better prepared. I don’t even think he’s approved reruns of his TV shows to help offset the lost wages! But perhaps Bob is simply applying his genius to the New Business Model of the day: 1. Allow your business to become outdated 2. Lose lots of money 3. Apply for a federal bailout for several times what you’ve lost.

This must be what is actually happening because Bob Vila is a genius and hasn’t steered me wrong yet (not counting that wiring project fiasco). So I propose that SASS cash in on the current Bailout Strategy. There is a two page application for bailout money available online. All we have to do is list our corporation and how much we need. As a conservative figure, I estimate SASS’s needs at one billion. It won’t take nearly the cash infusion to keep our contribution to society going as the automobile or “homebuilding” industries and I’d argue that ours is the more important contribution anyway. Can you imagine a world without smart-asses? Would life even be worth living?!

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