Czar Czar’s Galore!

czar1I reluctantly paid attention to the news this morning for 30 seconds and it immediately set off my Rageometer. Rather like Bruce Bannon I try to avoid those things that will set me off, but unfortunately it couldn’t be helped.

Today it was announced that Pres-Elect Obama has announced the new position of Energy Czar. This is in addition to the Homeland Security Czar, the Car Czar, Noodle Manufacture Czar, the Hipster Czar, and the Cabinet positions that have already been announced.

I understand that part of the fun of being elected in the U.S. is that you get to give cool jobs to your friends, but really I think that a line needs to be drawn somewhere. There are already established Cabinet positions dealing with Energy, Commerce, Agriculture, and Hipsters. What’s wrong with simply asking the people nominated to those positions to actually oversee the problems pertinent to their office?! Is anyone else starting to feel like we’ve been picked up by Laputa and like Gulliver are being forced to contend with a growing number of flappers?

Personally I think that Obama is missing out on a great opportunity here. With this new “Czar” paradigm, we could finally fill in the gaps in goverment oversight that have plagued us for years. Just for myself, I would like to see the following Czar Appointments:

Donut Czar: This person would oversee the largely unregulated doughnut industry, why Americans feel the need to misspell common words, and what law enforcement is doing about our powdered sugar shortage.

Armstrong Czar: Is responsible for testing Lance Armstrong’s body, possessions and pets for performance enhancing drugs every 15 minutes.

Sitcom Czar: This office would coordinate efforts among the major television networks to most effectively reach the lowest forms of humor and entertainment.

Nascar Czar: This person would attempt to find justification for the continuation of motor sports in general and determine whether chewing tobacco should be considered a performance enhancing drug.

And Finally;

Czar Czar: Of course the creation of this position was inevitable. The Czar Czar is responsible for overseeing the actions of the other Czars; and also holding pizza parties on Thursdays.


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