I’m Doomed!

I’m sure that practically no one knows (or cares) that I’ve been biking to work a few days a week since school started. I tell myself it’s because it’s good for the environment and my health, but the truth is that I just enjoy it. No radio, no kids… just the threat of imminent death by car to get your blood pumping for a nice relaxing day at school.

Anyway, this past Friday I came to a startling realization: Sato wants me dead. I don’t know what I’ve done to annoy her, but she tried to kill me on Friday. As I was leaving to go home, she suggested an alternate route home and promised that it would be much more relaxing and scenic than my usual ride.

Since I didn’t know about her evil scheme, I tried it. It was both more scenic and peaceful than my usual four lane highway; that is until a car appeared on the road ahead. I was driving on the right and so the car had plenty of room to continue past me, but he (she?) panicked and swerved into my lane (perhaps confusing me with a squirrel?). Naturally I dodged into the closest field to avoid becoming a hood ornament and as the car passed me, honked! Now I’m not sure if the honk was meant to convey that they were just joking around or a sincere regret that they missed, but it was unnerving.

However, I chalked the incident up to “redneck in car” and proceeded on my way and eventually reached Hwy 70. This is where I realized that Sato had set the whole thing up as an elaborate trap. (I don’t have confirmation yet that she paid the driver of that car) The route suggested required me to cross 4 lanes of highway traffic with no lights anywhere around. Because the speed limit on this part of the road is 55, the traffic was moving at around mach 2. After my little run in just 5 minutes earlier, you can imagine that I was a little nervous. Needless to say, several trying levels of 3D Frogger later, I did make it across the road, but my nerves were shot so badly that I accidentally ran over the neighbor’s poodle on the way home.

Sato’s cunning is legendary, so I’m unsure how long I’ll be able to avoid her increasingly elaborate traps. In the event that she does finally succeed, there is a large stash of cash in unmarked bills buried at the 50 yard line of the WCHS football field.


4 thoughts on “I’m Doomed!

  1. livebait1

    Were you wearing your orange reflector vest and other protective gear? I’m just trying to get the complete image of your flight into the field.

    Almost as funny as Amy Poler’s rap this weekend on SNL.
    It’s worth the effort…

    I apologize for laughing at your distress – I know it’s evil, but I am the idiot who enjoys all the accidental (serious injury excluded) home videos.

    Remember that Friday is bike to work day.
    I think that a good punishment for Sato is to ride the full distance from home. How many miles is that Sato?


  2. rockwalker

    See? Didn’t even try to deny that there IS an evil plot to do me in!

    It’s a sad but true fact of history that people are always trying to assassinate the great ones. It’s jealousy, I suppose.


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