This is a verbatim copy of the note I was forced to write on my board today.
To the student(s) that stole my stapler:
Congratulations! You have reached a new WCHS low for petty and juvenile behavior. You managed to swipe my stapler when the substitute wasn’t looking. Clearly you hoped to make a mark on the history of this school with your outrageous hi-jinks. Sadly however, absolutely no one noticed that you took the stapler and now that I’ve brought it to everyone’s attention, no one cares. Stealing a stapler is sad and pathetic. If you return my stapler by the end of the week I will pretend that it was never missing and save you further embarassment.
Miraculously, my stapler was returned to my desk today between periods. Simply amazing. Further proof (as if we needed it) that the quality of our students is falling would be their total lack of mischevious imagination. I am willing to bet that if I ask for “tricks” this Halloween, all I’ll get are blank stares.