Today is the saddest day of my life and to be perfectly honest about it, I doubt that I’ll make it through the whole day. Today I discovered that our Paragon of Knightly Virtue, the Leader of the New England Patriots, our Champion of the Everyman, Tom Brady, has died. Apparently he was overcome by a horde of religious fanatics convinced that he was Hercules Reborn and in their efforts to touch part of his glory, crushed him to death under their combined weight.
I have heard people say that football will be forever changed by the passing of Tom Brady, but let us also not forget his skill with the rushing attack. When Tom Brady took the field, the opposing teams realized at once that they were in the presence of something spectacular and crouched down before his commanding presence. Even when he was off the field, the merest glance from him was enough to make commentators lose track of their thoughts and wax rhapsodic about this modern day Adonis.
In every way that mattered, Tom Brady was the soul of the NFL. The only reason the league kept going as long as it did was so that we might bask in his brilliant radiance. To say that he will be missed is much more than simple understatement, it would be the worst miscarriage of thought in the english language to date. Sadly, however, this poor author is completely unable to communicate the depths of his despair at this tragedy.
The only way the human race will be able to cope with a loss this great will be to memorialize everything about Tom Brady and to recount every statistic and fact about his life until we can all quote them from memory.
Rest In Peace, Tom Brady.