Message to All Fearless Leaders

Sometime before I die, someone is going to have to come up with an explanation for the behavior of Fearless Leaders. These people simply baffle me. To quote Steely Dan, “The things you think are precious I can’t understand.” For the last several days the Future Generators here in the Concrete Cathedral of Catechism have been receiving emails informing us of a MANDATORY faculty meeting for the purposes of satisfying the state’s requirements for state test administration. These are nothing new. In fact, I have been attending such MANDATORY meetings every year (twice a year since I’ve been teaching high school) that I’ve been a Future Generator.

Our newest Assistant Fearless Leader has completely failed to grasp the fact that nearly every one of the Future Generators on her staff has had this exact meeting multiple times and has made it a point to be as insulting as possible by doing the following:

1. Capitalizing the word MANDATORY in every email to ensure that everyone gets that she is shouting at us and reinforcing the almost subtle hint that we’ll be punished if we don’t make it.

2. Printing out copies of 20 PowerPoint slides for every teacher and then reading each of them aloud to us, presumably because she is convinced that we can’t read it ourselves.

3. Organizing the meeting so that fully half of the presentation was about tests that only a small number of Future Generators will be giving, but everyone got to be debriefed on.

4. Becoming agitated when a hapless Future Generator asked for clarification on a ridiculous state rule and made nasty faces at him, making it perfectly clear that our input was neither required nor welcome.

Obviously this Assistant Fearless Leader has all the right stuff and will quickly become the newest fully fledged Fearless Leader in our school system.

IMG_20140109_081225_421Yesterday morning I discovered that an anonymous person had deposited a still-in-plastic copy of “Jesus Christ Message to All Nations” (2nd Edition) in my school mail slot. I have no idea how or why this book appeared in my mail slot. In fact, I find the volume highly confusing. Does it suggest that Jesus Christ wrote it? If he did, why is there a 2nd edition (I’m assuming that Jesus would’ve gotten it right the first time around)? If that’s not the case, then how did we discover Jesus’ message to all nations? It is a pretty hefty volume… is it a simple message reprinted in all the written languages of the world or is it a long and complicated message part of which is “learn to read English?” Further, if it is indeed a message to all nations, then what good would it do an individual to read it? I find the ambiguous nature of this book very troubling and this is why I have so far failed to remove the shrink-wrap and read it.

This has gotten me thinking about the possible topic for the next book in the series. I think that it must be “Jesus Christ Message to all Fearless Leaders.” I’m not entirely sure, but I think that the over-arching theme of that volume would be “chill out, for Christ’s sake!” I don’t know if Jesus referred to himself in the third person all that often, but I think that the pun would be too good for even him to pass on. Maybe I should start anonymously sliding some books into mail slots myself!

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